


Running After Yesterday

by withoutyourdress



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-20 11:48:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1509395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withoutyourdress/pseuds/withoutyourdress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s always like taking two steps back. Sometimes you go so far you end up right back at the start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stand Tall and Walk Away

**Author's Note:**

> I make no apologies for this fic and where it leads. I hope you all enjoy the roller-coaster ride!

Maybe it wasn't as easy as they'd thought it would be. Maybe all the arguing, all the tears and all the heartache weren't enough to open up new doors for their love to continue. They talked. They talked a lot about what had happened and what they were feeling but it didn't quell the fears that existed in each of them. Those fears drove them apart more and more each day. Finally the day came when one of them would find the courage to stand tall and walk away.

"I've loved you for so long, I fear I won't know anything else." Callie had whispered in the dark bedroom she used to share with her wife.

"You'll learn to love again one day, Calliope." Arizona spoke gently from the door way, her suitcase of clothes at her feet. "We can't make this work."

Callie sat up and blinked in the dark, her eyes easily finding those beautiful blue hues. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." Arizona nodded and swallowed heavily, her heart still breaking. "We tried. We tried so hard and I know this, all of this is my own fault. We can't continue pretending that this is healthy. Sofia deserves to live in a healthier environment and the only time you and I get along is when we're having sex." 

Callie looked around the blackened room and sighed. She couldn't deny that Arizona was right. "I just, I don't like this Arizona."

"You think I do?" The blonde whispered before dropping the handle of her suitcase and taking long strides towards the bed. She climbed on top of the brunette and cupped her face. "Maybe one day we'll find each other once again. You deserve to be happy and I don't make you happy anymore. You can't fully forgive me and I don't blame you. And you'll always be questioning me and I can't blame you there either. I hurt you, Calliope. For some people, there is no coming back from that." Her forehead pressed against her wife’s, inhaling everything about the woman beneath her. 

"Where will you go?" Callie's broken voice shattered the blonde's heart.

"I already booked a room at the Archfield." 

"Oh." The brunette sighed and wrapped her arms around the woman still sitting atop her lap. 

It was a weird situation for them to be in. It was heart breaking yet they both felt some sort of relief when Arizona had decided to make a move and remove herself from Callie's life. It wasn't like she was walking out on her family completely. She just knew she had to give Callie more time to hopefully forgive her or have the enough courage to let go. She knew the brunette wouldn't be the first one to make that happen.

"I'll pick Sofia up at daycare after my shift Friday, okay?" Arizona slowly retreated from the woman in front of her and stood up slowly at the end of the bed. Her fingertips were still being held by Callie's fingers.

Callie only nodded and sniffled a bit before throwing herself back on the bed and staring back up at the ceiling. She heard the bedroom door across the hall open and knew Arizona was kissing their daughter good night before slipping out of the house. A house they had bought together over six months ago in a desperate attempt to find the void in their relationship that needed to be filled. Callie had felt it in her gut that it wasn't the answer but allowed her wife to have what she had wanted in hopes that it'd help their crumbling relationship in some way.

It may have worked for the most part but all the dark shadows of doubt still lingered in the brunette's head and when it took a hold of her, she'd build up a wall and blame everything that went wrong in her life on Arizona. She blamed the blonde for putting them in that position because it wasn't supposed to be so complicated and heart breaking. It wasn't how they were supposed to live their lives together. Then she'd blame the damn plane for going down and shattering a perfect family.

Arizona was wrong. Callie had lost a lot when that plane crashed. She had lost her only true best friend and the father of their daughter. Mark was her life outside of all the dumb shit she put up with at the hospital. She also lost a friend in Lexie. In the aftermath of it all, she had lost Arizona, long before she cheated on her with Dr. Boswell. If the blonde would've just talked to Callie, she could've made it better. She knew she could have.

Anger had filled her still body once again as she stayed in her room while the minutes turned to hours. She stewed in her own loathing and pity. She was getting the shitty end of the stick because Arizona was able to get up and walk away from her responsibilities. Not that Callie ever thought she'd walk out on Sofia completely, she still allowed the anger and hurt to consume her once again.

Before she knew it, Callie was up with the sun. She showered and stared at the half empty space in her closet before hastily getting dressed for work. She had Sofia up and fed earlier than usual but was thankful when the little girl didn't ask any questions about where her Momma was. It wasn't expected though because Sofia was used to having only one parent around while the other worked half the time.

\--

"So how are things at home?" Arizona sighed tiredly while watching Meredith pace back and forth in the Attending's lounge. 

"I'm not sure. Derek has refused sex for the second time this week and that isn't like him. Otherwise, he's been pretty normal." Meredith stopped her pacing and looked at the other woman. "I heard about you and Callie, are you okay?"

Arizona blinked. News normally travelled fast around the hospital, she was proof of that when she decided to sleep with someone who wasn't her wife in an on-call room. "I- that- who told you?"

"Callie is my friend too, Arizona. She called and we talked." Meredith wasn't going to pick sides. She loved both of her friends and wished they were happy together but would rather them be happy apart if it meant a healing process could take place.

"Oh." Arizona inhaled sharply before standing up. "I don't think I'll ever be okay. I made my bed though so now I have to sleep in it."

"You were pretty stupid for cheating on her. It was a messed up thing to do." Meredith chastised her friend with a small smile. "I get it though, kind of. I mean I don't condone it but... I get it." She shrugged before her pager beeped and she was out of the room in a flash.

Arizona plopped back down in the chair she was previously sitting in and closed her eyes. She had barely slept after leaving the house. It wasn't like before where she'd call up on Dr. Murphy and use her as a distraction. Arizona literally felt sick for hurting Callie in ways she could never make up for. It made her sick to think about being intimate with two, not just one, but two people who weren't her wife. It wasn't like her. She would've bet her life on being the most devoted and trustworthy person known to man. After the plane crash, she'd lost a lot of herself and even though it wasn't an excuse, she felt like that part of her was cut off too.

The door opened and in walked the one woman that had been on her mind all night. "Calliope." She breathed. Her smile was put on hold when Callie stared at her like she was a stranger.

"Don't." Callie muttered. She went straight to the coffee machine and made herself a cup. She could feel those intense eyes staring at her back but she didn't waver. She was stiff with anger and it showed.

"Callie..." Arizona tried again.

"No!" Callie whipped around and glared at the shorter woman. "You don't get to talk to me after walking out on us. I mean, really? You're the one who cheated and yet you're the one that gets to just walk away?" Her voice rose slightly and she knew people outside the lounge could hear them.

"This isn't fair to either of us!" Arizona stood up and frowned. 

Callie muttered something in Spanish before swinging the door opened. "And whose fault is that?!" She yelled before marching down the hallway. Her fists flexed at her sides and she closed her eyes as she heard footsteps coming up behind her. "Just walk away, Arizona."

"Why are you so angry?" Arizona grabbed the tail of Callie's lab coat to stop her from going any further. She jumped back a little and the brunette turned around swiftly and took a slow calming breath.

"I'm angry because my wife couldn't keep it in her pants. I'm angry because while I was trying to do my best in making you feel comfortable with your leg, you slept with someone else. I'm fucking angry because I'm tired of having this same fucking conversation over and over again." Callie raised her voice loud enough for others around them to stop and stare. "I'm angry, Dr. Robbins, because I haven't lost anything, remember? Yet it feels like my whole world just fell apart and I'm not allowed to be angry about it. Because I didn't lose anything. This has been a cakewalk for me, apparently." She lowered her voice. "Now back off. I have nothing else I want to say to you," she shook her head and with a broken sigh, whispered, "ever again." Before walking off and never looking back.

Arizona stood there, breath caught in her throat, tears blurring her vision. She heard the whispers around her and decided it was best to go back to the Attending's lounge before she crumbled in front of her peers.

There will never be enough forgiveness to make things okay in their co-existing world again. Arizona wanted to believe that leaving would only make them want to fight harder to be better for themselves and each other, but it seemed to be driving a deeper wedge between them.

With a heavy heart, she only blamed herself and decided to steer clear of Callie at whatever cost. She would allow the brunette come to her, whenever or she was ever ready.


	2. I Will Pick You Up

It had been one solid month that Arizona and Callie had successfully ignored each other, except for when it came to picking up and dropping off Sofia. For the most part, they’d take turns picking Sofia up from Pre-school. 

On one occasion, Callie had arrived earlier than Arizona expected and was caught grabbing the rest of her stuff for a small apartment she had just started renting. 

The brunette didn’t say a word and went straight to the bathroom, quietly closing the door. She remained in there until she heard Arizona grab her stuff and leave. That was about an hour after she had gotten home.

The workplace environment didn't fare any better in terms of them speaking. They were stuck in two surgeries together during that month of not speaking to one another and both times they worked quietly, not even attempting to make small talk. Needless to say it became quite awkward and uncomfortable for anyone else in that OR room.

"Boss!" Alex Karev had run up behind Arizona and stopped her from entering the elevator. He tugged on his coat and gave her a warm smile. "I was wondering if you wanted to go to Joe's and have a drink?"

The blonde squinted her eyes in thought before she slowly nodded her head. "Sure, Karev." She grabbed him by the elbow and he grinned at her. "Are you sure Wilson won't mind?"

Alex laughed and shook his head. "She's pulling a double starting tomorrow morning with back to back surgeries so she's sleeping."

They walked to the bar and found it was quite busy. Arizona was able to snag a table while Alex grabbed them drinks. He came back with a couple of tequila shots and one beer each. He winked at her and placed them down carefully on the table. "I figured we could use a boost."

"I like the way you think, Karev." She smiled back at him and lifted a shot glass, clinking it against her friend’s before taking the shot without effort. “That feels so good going down.”

“No complaints here.” Alex smiled and sat down across from the blonde. He eyed her carefully before taking a deep breath. “So,” he sighed and raised his eyebrows, “how are you?”

Arizona squinted at him before taking a sip from her beer. “Did you just ask me to hang out because you wanted me to have a girl talk with you?”

“What?” Alex laughed and shook his head. “No.” He snorted and glanced around the bar while picking at his beer label. “It’s just, you haven’t said much about your split with Torres and I’m concerned.”

Arizona nodded slowly, taking another sip from her beer. “What is there to say, Karev? We’re over.”

“That’s bullshit, Robbins.” He muttered. “You two are never just over.”

“Well we are now.” Her dimpled smile came into play while she raised her beer bottle. She rolled her eyes at her unamused friend before placing her drink back down on the table. “I did a fucked up thing, okay? One she will never forgive me for. I cheated on her. Twice.”

“Murphy hardly counts!” Alex exclaimed rather loudly. He ducked his head and leaned towards Arizona. “You came clean about that one and she forgave you because you weren’t even together. She can’t hang that over your head. It was just sex.” He raised an eyebrow. “Right?”

Arizona laughed and agreed immediately. “Yes. It was just… there were no emotions or feelings with Murphy. She was a distraction for me and I was a great lay for her. That still doesn’t help the fact that I slept with two women. Callie has every right to be pissed.” Her mood shifted slightly. 

“Whatever.” Alex shook his head and chugged his beer. “When you took off to Africa, she slept with Sloan. She tried to pick up a few chicks here even and I think she managed to snag a couple of numbers. But she slept with Sloan and had his baby. You didn’t really flinch when she told you. You accepted that fact and became a mother to Sofia. Why is it so different now?”

“Because we weren’t married back then. When she slept with Mark, we weren’t even together. I left her in the airport. I broke up with her in that airport and that wasn’t fair to her. She had every right to be upset about that as well. I fucked this up. Me. Not her.” Arizona rushed out hotly, anger showing in her tone of voice. Anger towards herself. “So please, just back off on this subject.”

“Fine.” Alex muttered and grabbed his empty beer bottle, shaking it. “I’m grabbing another, want one?”

The blonde nodded and watched her friend walk away towards the bar. She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself down. She felt someone come up behind her left shoulder and quickly glanced back at the approaching person. Swallowing, she noticed Callie looking at her with those intense brown eyes.

“Can we talk?” Callie said in a calm voice and watched as Arizona nodded silently, getting up from her seat. She followed the blonde into the bathroom and leaned against the sink when the door shut behind them. “Looks like Karev is being a good friend, watching out for you.”

Arizona just shrugged and glanced around the room. The room where she so boldly kissed Callie years before all of this became complicated. “So you wanted to talk?”

Callie nodded and clapped her hands together briefly before taking a deep breath. “I forgive you.” She stated simply. Honestly. “I forgive the fact that you ran so many times in the beginning because you were scared. You were scared of the deep commitment, you were scared of having kids, you were scared of me being a newborn and that maybe one day I’d leave you for a man or something. Those things, I forgive.” She watched as the blonde nodded but could feel the uncertainty flow off the blonde in waves. “And I’ve tried, Arizona, I’ve really tried to forgive you for sleeping with that slu- that doctor, I did, but the reasoning behind it? I can’t. I just can’t right now. After the plane crash, I worked my ass off to be who you needed.”

Arizona felt tears start to obscure her vision and she tried like hell to fight them back. Her heart hammered in her chest because she had no idea where this conversation was about to go.

“I showered you, I cleaned you up, I loved every inch of you when you didn’t want me to. I took care of you because that is what love is about. I did everything for you.” Callie spoke evenly but her voice started to crack. “And then when you started to get better, I thought we were heading on the right track. I wanted what was best for you. I wasn’t trying to fix who you were or are. All of the Arizona’s I’ve met in you, I’ve fallen hard and fast for. I was only trying to help keep you together once you put yourself back together. I was scared of losing you.”

“Cal-” Arizona was cut off by a sharp look from the brunette in front of her. She clamped her mouth shut and allowed a few tears to fall because Callie was already crying and it broke her in two.

“I did everything for you. I did. I was patient with you when it came time for sex. I mean, I tried to be patient but you were just so…hot and anyway, that’s not the point.” Callie rubbed her face and wiped the tears away, her heart aching to just touch the fragile looking blonde in front of her. “Yes, I made the call to cut off your leg because I needed to save my wife. I needed you and Sofia needed you. So I made the call and I’m sorry I broke that promise but I’d do it again if meant keeping you here on this earth with me. Was sleeping with Dr. Boswell pay back? Because that’s pretty fucked up.”

“No, I- Callie-” Arizona fumbled over her words and shook her head slightly. “It wasn’t pay back.” She finally whispered and though they’ve had a similar conversation before, she felt she needed to elaborate more on her mistake. “She was a stranger. She didn’t know me yet she found me intriguing, hot and seemed interested. Yes, I flirted with her and yes I may have felt an attraction but my sleeping with her had nothing to do with you. I was being classic Arizona Robbins and made a selfish move. A mistake. A huge fucking mistake and I’ll carry it with me forever.”

Callie watched the woman she loved fall apart at her own words and fought the urge to hold her. Slight anger took ahold of her instead. “All you had to do was talk to me! Not go and fuck some stranger because she batted her hazel eyes at you. Do you regret it?”

Silence filled between them in that small room. The only sounds were from the rest of bar patrons outside the door and the music blaring from the live band. 

“Every second.” Arizona raised her chin honestly and wiped her own tears.

Callie nodded and pushed herself off the sink. She took in the sight of the blonde’s blue button up shirt with jeans and a pair of sneakers. It was casual and it was a look she loved most on her wife. But looking at her still hurt so much. She tried to ignore it and agreed to buy a house with Arizona in hopes that it’d act like a bandaid to fix it all. It just made it worse. Callie had to work a few things out in her own head while Arizona needed time to really think about what she wanted in life; if Callie and Sofia were a family she truly wanted to be a part of. “I can’t do this right now, Arizona.” She whispered brokenly. “My heart will always be yours and I’m so thankful that you were honest with me but I just, I can’t.” Her hand cupped the blonde’s cheek briefly before it fell to her side.

Arizona nodded and turned away slightly because she hated feeling so vulnerable. Even with the honest truth, her wife didn’t want her. The blonde accepted that because she wasn’t sure what she would’ve done if Callie had been the one to cheat on her after she worked her ass off to save her life.

Arizona heard the washroom door open and close and knew she was all alone once again.

—

Sofia wiped the sleep from her eyes as she stumbled out of her bedroom and into the living room where her Momma was quietly reading a book. Her four year old brain knew that things weren’t like they used to be. She understood something was different when she’d wake up and one of her parents weren’t sitting with the other. She also knew that whenever her Mommy or Momma laid eyes on her, they’d smile and decided that as long as they smiled at her, they were happy.

“Momma?” Her sleepy voice rang out in the quiet room.

Arizona glanced up at her daughter and smiled sweetly, placing her book down beside her. “Hey Sofy, everything okay?” She held her arms open and waited for the little girl to climb into her lap, resting her head on her chest. “Couldn’t sleep?” She glanced at the clock above the fireplace mantle and realized it was just after midnight.

“Bad dream.” Was all Sofia said as she burrowed further in Arizona’s arms, closing her eyes. She inhaled the sweet scent of vanilla, storing it into her little memory. She felt content and safe.

“Did you want to talk about it?” Arizona whispered as her hands rubbed up and down her daughter’s back soothingly. She sighed when Sofia lifted her head up and looked at her with large brown eyes. Eyes that matched Callie’s perfectly.

“Mommy wouldn’t come pick me up. She couldn’t hear me and I was all alone.” Sofia murmured, her lips twisted a bit showing confusion on what she was feeling at such a young age.

“You know Mommy will always come and pick you up. You can be all the way at Disney World and she’d find a way to get to you, honey.” Arizona softly smiled and cupped her daughter’s face, placing a kiss on her forehead. “It was just a dream, okay? Mommy will be here tomorrow to pick you up, I promise.”

Trusting her Momma, Sofia nodded and smiled a little. “Does Mommy not want to pick you up?” She asked, eyes wide with a sadness that broke Arizona’s heart slightly.

The blonde knew that Sofia hadn’t asked any questions about why her parents were no longer living together. It had been nearly three months that Arizona had moved out from their house and Sofia had yet to question it. She knew the little girl was processing things but still didn’t understand all the changes that were being made around her. 

Sofia spent half of her week with Callie and the other half with Arizona. It wasn’t something they could hide. Callie had insisted they wait on saying anything until Sofia asked questions. They never did discuss how they should handle it though so Arizona held her breath and thought of a sugar coated way to explain things to her daughter.

“Mommy doesn’t need to pick me up, sweetie. I’m a big girl.” Arizona grinned a little and poked Sofia’s side a bit, earning a squeal of laughter.

“How come you don’t sleep at Mommy’s anymore?” The small brunette asked quietly.

Pulling out her dimpled smile as comfort, Arizona tucked dark loose curls behind Sofia’s ears. “You know when you feel really sad and you want to be alone, so you go to your bedroom and play with your dolls?” She asked and her daughter nodded seriously, like she honestly understood what her Momma was saying. “Mommy and I are both sad right now. We needed to spend some time apart so we can work on being happy again.”

“Do I make you happy?” Sofia asked in a whisper, blinking sleepily. She was no longer concerned about her parents being apart because she wanted them happy.

“Very much so, Sofia. You make the happiest in all of the world.” She kissed Sofia cheek and pulled her to her chest, cuddling her. She started to hum a random tune and rocked a little as a comfort for herself and Sofia. It was something Callie had always done since she gave birth to their daughter.

Arizona picked her book back up and felt the comfortable warm weight of Sofia falling asleep on her chest. She stayed like that for over an hour before she decided it was time to try and get some sleep. She picked up the small girl and carried her expertly into her own bedroom, placing her on the side Callie would normally sleep on. She watched as Sofia sleepily crawled underneath the covers and curled right back into Arizona’s arms after the blonde got ready for bed.

—

Callie walked up a few flights of stairs in the new apartment complex that had just opened up six months prior. Arizona chose not to buy a new house and instead leased out a decent sized apartment that would allow Sofia her own bedroom and a safe playground for kids in a secured area just outside the back of the building. She stared at the number 507 on the door in the hallway and bit her lip as she raised her hand to knock. She heard soft murmurs and a little girl giggle as the door swung open. “Nice hat.” Callie gave Arizona a warm smile as she pointed to the homemade craft paper hat she assumed her daughter made.

“Calliope, come in.” The blonde blushed slightly when she realized she was still in her pyjamas and that Sofia was still running around in hers too. “We lost track of time, I’m so sorry.”

Callie stepped in the hallway and smiled lightly. “It’s okay, I’m in no hurry. I can wait until she’s changed and packed up.”

“Mommy!” Sofia came running around the corner in her favourite purple princess hat and launched herself at her legs. 

“Hey princess Sofia.” Callie laughed and picked up her daughter, adjusting the strings attached to the homemade princess hat that Arizona had made the previous year for the little girl’s birthday. “Did you have fun with Momma?”

“Yep!” Sofia nodded and gave a toothy smile. “She let me sleep in her bed and told me you’d be here to pick me up. I think you can pick Momma up when you are happy again.” She stated proudly and nodded towards the older blonde before wiggling out of Callie’s arms. “I want to wear my other purple dress!” She dashed off out of sight.

Callie raised a very confused and curious eyebrow towards Arizona and crossed her arms around her chest, waiting for an explanation. “What was that about?” She whispered after she watched Sofia disappear into her bedroom.

“She had a bad dream that you didn’t come and pick her up. I convinced her it was just a dream and then that led to the question about why you don’t ever pick me up which was then followed by why I never stayed with you anymore.” Arizona babbled. She nervously picked at her thumbnail. “I just mentioned that we were both sad and needed time apart until we’re happy again.”

Callie frowned slightly before biting her bottom lip. “That uh, that kind of sounds optimistic in us getting back together.” She watched as Arizona swallowed and shrugged. “Arizona.” She sighed deeply.

“I’m not- I wasn’t saying that because I figured we’d get back together. I was just stating that maybe somewhere down the line, we can be in the same room, happy.” The blonde pushed her messy hair back and pulled it into a ponytail. “I had to say something optimistic or it’d upset her.”

“I get it.” The brunette said softly and she studied the other woman. She swallowed slightly before taking a deep breath. “So um, people talk at the hospital, as we both know.” That got Arizona’s attention and the blonde was listening intently to her. “And I wanted you to hear this from me and not some intern or nurse.”

“Okay…” Arizona frowned and leaned against the wall, her eyes taking in every feature of Callie.

“I was asked out and I… accepted.” Callie held her breath as Arizona’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “It’s just a coffee date while Sofia has her play date with Zola later this evening.” 

“That’s-that’s great, Callie.” Arizona nodded with a slightly forced smile. 

“Is it?” Callie asked softly.

Arizona bit her bottom lip, her eyes scanning the woman in front of her. Maybe she was hoping they’d spend a few months apart and then decide to try and make things work but the blonde doctor knew they were far from that. They avoided each other instead of talking most of the time. "To be honest, it really doesn't matter what I think." She sighed. "I don't really have a place to be telling you otherwise."

Callie regarded the blonde carefully and tightened her lips together before laughing a little bit. "I never thought I'd have to ask my wife if it's okay that I go out on a date. It all seems so foreign to me." She shook her head and cleared her throat. 

Arizona inhaled deeply before quietly excusing herself. She reached her daughter's bedroom door and knocked lightly. "Sofia? Are you ready to go? Mommy's waiting, honey."

Sofia nodded eagerly before twirling around in her purple dress. "Isn't this pretty?"

"Very." Arizona smiled sweetly at the small girl and grabbed the small backpack before taking Sofia's hand. "I'm looking forward to this weekend." She stated excitedly as they exited the bedroom and made their way back towards Callie, who was waiting patiently in the front hallway. "I think we should fill up on homemade cookies and watch Disney movies!"

"Yes!" Sofia pumped her fist in the air before grabbing Callie's hand.

"I'll see you at work." Arizona handed the backpack to the older brunette with a small smile.

Callie only nodded and opened the apartment door. "Arizona..." She sighed.

"Have fun tonight." Arizona cut her off politely. "Really Callie, have fun and enjoy your company tonight." She placed a hand on the woman's shoulder, squeezing gently. She looked down at her daughter and kissed her forehead. "And you have fun with Zola and Bailey tonight!"

"I will!" Sofia giggled as her Momma placed kisses all over her face.

Callie's heart melted at the sight. She knew Arizona had reservations about not wanting kids in the past but she also remembered that the woman never blinked once when she said she was pregnant. It was the fact that it was Mark Sloan's baby was what had upset her the most. No, Arizona took full parental responsibility with Sofia and had enjoyed every second of it. Callie could see she enjoyed being a Momma to their daughter. She went so far as even wanting another baby but that came to a tragic end.

Much like most events in their lives.

The smile on her face though whenever Sofia was in the room, she knew she couldn't give the blonde up. She couldn't and she didn't want to. This was the mother of her child and they'll forever be bound because of it.

\--


	3. Why Can't I Stop?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many ideas. So many possibilities. So many Calzona feels.
> 
> Patience, dear readers.

It seemed that time had flown by for both Callie and Arizona. They had managed to find a life of their own even though their worlds collided every so often. Callie had been dating a scrub nurse for over two months and Arizona had met someone outside the hospital world. The exes never talked about their current relationships but observed from afar silently. 

Arizona had walked in on a pretty heavy make out session in the board room, in which Callie had managed to look somewhat embarrassed and guilty. Arizona just smiled as she apologized and closed the door, neither of them mentioning that moment again.

Callie had witnessed a rather provocative dance at Joe's between Arizona and some petite brunette, while she was on a date with her own girlfriend. They never spoke but eyes glanced at each other every so often as the night carried on.

A month later, Alex was throwing Jo a birthday party and invited everyone. Alex loved Callie as a friend but if Arizona had asked him not to invite Callie, he wouldn't have hesitated. Arizona may be his boss at work but outside, she was family. His sister. He would protect her through anything. But it seemed to him that they were getting along without really communicating unless it involved Sofia, which was every other day. So the animosity between his two friends seemed to have evaporated.

He had spotted Arizona walking through the front door with a gift in one hand and the woman she had been dating in the other. He raised an eyebrow at the slim brunette clutching to Arizona's arm. "Boss!" He shouted over the music and made his way to the couple. "Glad you could make it." He gave her a boyish grin.

"Thanks for inviting me." Arizona smiled back and handed him the gift for his girlfriend. "Hope you don't mind that I brought a date."

"Nah, even though we've hung out a few times, Robbins still won't shut up about you." Alex teased and managed to jump back before the blonde could smack him. "There are drinks in the fridge, food on the table and plenty of room to relax. Jo will be a little late, she's still in surgery."

Arizona raised a concerned eyebrow. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, Mer's surgery ran longer than expected so it pushed back Jo's about an hour." Alex smiled and took his friend's coat along with Emelia's and ushered them inside before disappearing down the hall to hang up the articles of clothing.

"I hope the rest of your friends are that nice." Emelia's gripped loosened on Arizona's arm before it slid down and laced their fingers together instead.

Arizona had met Emelia while she picked Sofia up from a birthday party that was being hosted at a bowling alley. Turned out it was Emelia's niece's birthday and she was the host. It didn't take long for the two to chat up a storm and Arizona found herself quite relaxed around her new friend. When the brunette asked her out a week later, after various text conversations, Arizona said yes without overthinking it. Then she panicked because what would Callie think? She didn't even know if she was allowed to date, if the whole separation between herself and her ex was just one big test for Callie. Then she walked in on Callie and the scrub nurse, Tori Maclay, making out against the board room table, she knew it was time to move forward.

So she went out with Emelia once and enjoyed herself thoroughly. They went out a second time, then a third and soon they were dating officially. Arizona cared about the brunette and enjoyed her company. Sofia liked her and they'd have play dates with Emelia's niece, Lily. 

Arizona wasn't ashamed of dating someone else. She was content and she heard things about Callie and Tori, they seemed to be on the same page.

It didn't lessen the hurt though, when she thought about how she had failed her marriage. Her family. It hurt to see her ex wife in the arms of someone else but she had no control over that. She didn't have a right to voice her opinions on it because she was the reason her and Callie were separated to begin with. It had been nearly seven months since they parted ways so they were bound to witness each other dating at one point.

"You guys made it!" April bounced over to the pair excitedly with Jackson right behind her. The four went on plenty of double dates and often hung out outside of work. They were the only two, aside from Alex and Jo, that really got to know Emelia. 

"Oh thank God you're here. I don't know anyone." Emelia said in a soft tone, earning a squeeze from Arizona's hand.

"You know Alex." Arizona smiled and bumped her shoulder against her date's. 

"Aside from him." The brunette rolled her eyes playfully. 

Arizona chuckled and glanced up towards the main foyer. She swallowed when she noticed Alex greet Callie and her girlfriend. It was like a magnet from blue to brown as eyes stared at each other. She watched as her ex swept a look over her from head to toe until they landed on hands linked together. Blinking, they lost focus and soon Callie was paying attention to Tori, silently guiding her towards the kitchen.

"What do you think?" April bit her lip as she glanced at her friend, who was busy watching a couple move out of the room. "Um, Arizona?"

"I'm sorry, what?" Arizona blushed when she realized she was caught checking out of the conversation. Luckily enough, Emelia was caught up in a conversation with Jackson, that she didn't really notice.

"I was just telling Em that we're planning on doing a movie night next weekend. I'm not sure of your schedule but if you can make it, we'd love to have you and her over." April laid a hand on Arizona's shoulder and squeezed it. "You might want to check back into reality before you get caught." She whispered and smiled at her friend. "So, movie night?"

"I have Sofia next weekend." Arizona apologized.

"It's okay, bring her along. I'll bring Lily over and those two can play with Jackson's GI Joe collection." Emelia snickered as Jackson smirked and shook his head.

"I can't, I'm sorry. I promised Sofia a tea party with all of her furry stuffed friends. Besides, work has been keeping me late and I hate leaving her alone with the babysitter when I'm on call. So, I'm going to spend my time with her alone while I have an on-call free weekend." Arizona smiled and pulled Emelia closer, patting her side as an apology.

"This is quite the good looking group." A voice interrupted them with a smile filled with good intentions. 

Arizona turned around to find Callie standing behind them with a drink in hand. Tori was on her right but avoided eye contact with the blonde. "Well with Avery in the mix, how can it not be a good looking group?" She tried to tease back and was happy that the comment earned a few laughs. 

"Very true." Callie nodded and took in a deep breath, wondering what the hell possessed her to talk to her ex's group of friends. Maybe it was the fact that she wasn't formally introduced to the slim brunette standing against Arizona, an arm wrapped around that waist she was so used to holding on to. 

Arizona knew Emelia wasn't exactly a stranger to Callie, having seen plenty of pictures of her that Sofia had managed to litter her apartment with. "Em, this is Callie, Callie, Em." She introduced politely.

Callie took Emelia's hand and shook it. "So you're not from the hospital, are you?"

The shorter brunette shook her head quickly. "No, I'm not a doctor. I uh, I have a pretty lame job compared to pretty much everyone here." 

Callie noticed the woman was one of a quiet and soft spoken character. A complete opposite from herself. "I'm sure it's not that bad. What do you do?"

"Oh, I run a daycare. I spend my day with tiny humans and then at night, I moonlight as a DJ at Gold Square." Emelia shrugged.

"You are the most sought out DJ in Seattle, don't be too hard on yourself." Arizona grinned at the woman at her side, kissing her cheek. 

Callie swallowed the sweet gesture her ex was giving another woman and pushed down any ounce of jealousy she was feeling. "I think being a DJ would be pretty damn fun and being around kids all day, sounds like you and Dr. Robbins have a lot in common to talk about and bond over. Tiny humans and all." She gave Arizona a teasing smile, which was returned by the blonde.

"Jo is on her way everyone!" Alex hollered after he turned down the music. "I expect all of her presents to be expensive because she deserves the best." 

Callie and Arizona shared a smile and laughed at Alex's soft side. 

"Your drink is running low, I'll grab you another one." Tori spoke up for the first time since she joined the group with Callie.

Callie smiled her thanks and squeezed her hand while Arizona excused herself with two glasses in hand to fill up hers and Emelia's.

"Well this won't be awkward." April tried to joke as she stood next to Emelia, looking at Callie.

Callie smiled slightly before crossing her arms over her chest, leaning against the wall. "As long as you don't make it awkward Kepner, we'll be fine."

"Noted." April took a sip of her drink and turned to speak with her husband.

"There's something I've been wanting to say to you actually." Emelia smiled nervously, looking at the taller woman beside her. She couldn't understand how someone as gorgeous as Callie could slip through her girlfriend's fingers. 

"I'm all ears." Callie gave her a friendly grin. She never thought in a million years she'd be talking to her ex wife's girlfriend. It wasn't a good feeling but she had to live with the decision she had made to try and move on.

"First of all, I really care for Arizona. She's been nothing but sweet and kind to me. I know the history you two have is phenomenal and I will never be able to fill your shoes, and I have no intentions to do so. In any way." Emelia clasped her hands together. "I just wanted you to know that I really like spending time with her and your daughter."

Callie tilted her head with a slight frown. "Do you spend time with Arizona and Sofia a lot?"

"Um, not all the time. She's friend's with my niece so they tend to have play dates that Arizona and I supervise." Emelia said quietly. "Sofia is a very smart girl."

"Yeah, she is." Callie boasted like a proud parent. "I'm going to go check on them to see what's taking the drinks so long." She pointed back towards the kitchen.

"Callie?" Emelia cleared her throat. "Arizona is someone you fall for hard and fast. I've been trying to put the brakes on my feelings because I know that there is no way I'd really survive the heartache. I'm saying this because I know she still loves you, a lot. She doesn't realize it but she talks about you non stop and it's okay. She's proud of you as a doctor and the mother of your child. But just, please save me if I need it? If there is any chance that you two will get back together, let me know so I can soften the blow to my heart."

Callie stood there slightly dumb founded before shaking her head. Emelia looked at her with sad blue eyes and she coughed slightly to get herself pieced back together. Did she have a chance at repairing things with Arizona? Should she even consider it? Closing her eyes briefly, she took a deep breath. "You don't need any saving, Em. Keep your head high," was all she said before making her way to into the kitchen.

\--

"Okay, so I know you're sleeping with my ex but why do you have to make it weird by constantly avoiding me?" Arizona stepped in front of Tori, someone she used to consider a friend and one of her favourite scrub nurses.

"Dr. Karev had mentioned you threatened him with a brick after finding out that he slept with Callie. Reason enough." Tori raised an eyebrow and grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge.

Even though just the thought of Callie sleeping with someone else made her heart sink a little, Arizona crushed the jealous feelings down and shook her head. ”We’re all adults here, Tori. We can be civil with each other." She sighed. "I won't threaten you with any bricks, okay?"

Tori nodded. "Okay."

"So you can stop avoiding any of my surgeries. I actually like you in my OR and it'd be nice to have you in there again." The blonde said honestly, smiling softly.

"Deal." The other light brunette grinned and patted Arizona on the back. "Did you hear that Callie was chosen to speak at the medical conference next weekend? She's pretty stoked about it."

Arizona frowned because she heard nothing about the ortho surgeon gaining a spot at the mic front and centre. Then she chuckled and shook her head. "Callie? Stoked about speaking in front of people?"

"Yeah! She's been making flash cards and rambling on about it so yeah, she seems excited." The nurse grinned.

Arizona laughed slightly harder and shook her head. "No, she's not excited. She's freaking out. Calliope hates public speaking with a passion. It's her biggest fear. The flash cards are a nervous tick, trust me."

Tori shook her head, ready to argue that fact. "People change, Dr. Robbins. Seems to me that she's excited."

"Okay, so you have two very thirsty women waiting for you. What is taking you so long?" Callie came into the kitchen and noticed the small tension between the two. "Is everything okay?"

Arizona was the first to respond, her head tilting adorably with a smile plastered on her face. "Nope, nothing at all. In fact, Dr. Torres, we were just discussing how _excited_ you are about speaking at next weekend's medical conference."

"Excited?" Callie paled and shook her head. "I'm freaking terrified. I keep remaking my flash cards because it's never good enough."

Arizona glanced at Tori, who scowled in her direction, before placing two hands on Callie's shoulders. "You'll be fine, Calliope. Don't over think your speech and speak from the heart. You'll do fine." She smiled, her eyes peering up at her ex's before clearing her throat. She stepped back. "Congratulations by the way."

"Thanks." Callie barely whispered before the warm touch of her ex wife was gone. She swallowed hard before watching the blonde walk away with two drinks in hand. She turned to her girlfriend and smiled a little. 

"I guess I have some things to learn about you still." Tori held her lips tightly together before taking a long drink from her beer and excusing herself from the kitchen.

Callie huffed and realized she had to do some damage control. She followed after her date and decided she'd avoid Arizona as much as possible. She wanted to keep her night uncomplicated. 

The night had worn on and soon the party crowd was slowly growing smaller. Arizona spent her night immersed with Emelia, bouncing from April and Jackson to Alex and Jo. She had to admit she was having fun and only found herself looking for Callie once or twice. It turned out Shane had mentioned the woman had left pretty early with Tori, the couple not looking very happy.

Sometime just before midnight, Arizona dropped off Emelia before heading home. She parked in the apartment complex's private parking lot and made her way to the secure gate. She stopped when she noticed Callie leaning against the metal gate and frowned. "Callie?"

Callie blinked tears back and scratched her head. "Hey, I'm sorry for showing up so late and unannounced."

"It's okay." Arizona approached her and opened up the gate, allowing the brunette to go in first. "Did you want to come up?"

"Yes." Callie breathed, her eyes glazing over before she shook her head hard and backed away. "No. No, I don't want to come up. If I go up there, I'll end up making a move I'd probably regret and I can't."

Arizona brows furrowed in concern. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how you still love me!" Callie all but shouted. "I'm talking about how your girlfriend begged me to save her from falling hard and fast for you," she ran her hands through her hair, "she loves you Arizona and she's not the only one but I. Can't." 

"Okay." The blonde breathed, her heart beating hard. "I don't understand what you want from me here, Callie."

"I don't know!" The brunette's voice rose a little. "What do we do? We can't avoid each other. We're still legally married yet we're dating other people and still, I'm here. With you. Why can't I stop?"

Arizona bit her bottom lip and blew hair out of her eyes. "Do you want to stop?" She whispered, afraid of the answer.

"Yes. Yes, I do. It hurts, in every way that I think about you, it hurts. It hurts that we're married yet we're not together. It hurt tonight when I saw you with Em. It hurts when I see and hear just how amazing you are with Sofia and I'm not there to be there as a family. It just hurts to look at you because you're not mine, not anymore."

Silence finally filled the air between them because Arizona didn't know how to respond to Callie's outburst. 

"I have a girlfriend." Callie continued quietly. "I have a girlfriend that I spent half the night arguing with because I couldn't stop looking for you tonight. She's upset because you know me. You get me. I told her we've been married for three years and had been together for five. But she doesn't get it, she's not patient and she keeps comparing herself to you and then I realized she's not the only one. She's not you, Arizona. She doesn't know how to get Sofia to calm down after having a nightmare. She doesn't know how I like my coffee after a long surgery. She doesn't understand that I hate speaking in front of people. But you? You know all of that and so much more."

Arizona stepped back and wiped the tears from her eyes. "What did you say to Emelia when she asked you to help her?"

Callie sniffled and laughed a little. "I told her she didn't need saving."

"Just like you, I can't keep doing this dance." Arizona glanced up at the cloudy sky, blinking some of the tears away. "I'll always love you. My heart... it still beats for you but I understand why you can't. I do. All of this is one vicious circle and it's killing both of us."

Callie nodded sadly and blew air from her lungs. "It's late. I'm sorry for showing up here an emotional wreck. This isn't your fault."

"I- you're always welcome here." Arizona whispered truthfully, a small smile playing at her lips. "To yell, vent, to sit in silence, to come visit Sofia when she's here... you're welcome here."

"Thanks." Callie gave her a watery smile and backed up towards the metal gate. "Em is a beautiful person by the way. It was good to see you smile tonight."

"In case you were wondering, she compared herself to you tonight as well. Apparently you were quite the catch." Arizona smirked before it disappeared. "I'm sorry I screwed that up."

The tall brunette shrugged before opening the gate and closing it behind her. "What's done is done, right?" She gave a small wave. "Good night, Arizona."

"Night Calliope." Arizona murmured and watched as her ex walked into the darkness and disappeared from her sight.

\--


	4. You Can't Have It Both Ways

It was empty at Joe's when Callie had arrived after her shift. She was supposed to pick up Sofia from pre-school in just under two hours but Arizona had insisted they meet as soon as possible. So they had agreed to meet at Joe's to make it simple and quick. 

As they have in the past, the avoidance of each other was successful unless it meant they had to operate together or exchange pleasantries when one dropped off or picked up Sofia.

"Hey, you came." Arizona interrupted Callie's thoughts as she sat down at the bar, an envelope in hand. 

"You said it was important." Callie pointed out and took a sip of her water. "Is this about Sofia?"

"No." Arizona answered quickly and made a whistle sound. "You're wanting to get straight to the point, aren't you?"

"I've had a long day, I'm sorry." The brunette apologized and gave the blonde a soft smile. "Is everything okay?"

Arizona fidgeted nervously before she folded her hands on top of the manila envelope. She watched as Callie glanced at her hands curiously. "I have a question to ask you first."

"O-okay," Callie drew the word out with a raised eyebrow, "Arizona, you're kind of worrying me."

"The other night, when you said you wanted to stop. Did you mean you wanted to 'quit me'?" The other woman asked seriously. She straightened her back out and stared at her ex. "Am I right to assume that's what you meant?"

Callie's eyes grew in realization as she looked at the envelope once again. "What are you doing?" She barely whispered, her voice broken.

"Is that what you meant, Calliope Torres?" Arizona asked more sternly.

"I didn't- I don't want whatever is in that envelope." Callie hopped off her stool and grabbed her leather jacket. "You can't do this to me. Cheating on me, leaving me in that house we bought together... but this? I can't handle what you're about to hand me."

Arizona got off her stool as well and stepped in front of the taller woman. "You once told me you found it weird that you had to ask your wife if you could go out with someone else. It shouldn't be that way and it's not fair for anyone involved."

"Arizona." Callie barely breathed, not being able to meet those intense blue eyes. 

Arizona looked around the empty bar for a brief moment, trying to find the right words. “I don’t want to hold you back anymore. I want you to be happy and live a life that I wasn’t strong enough to give. Whether you’re still with Tori or someone else, I don’t want you to have to keep wondering about me and our marriage.”

Callie squeezed her eyes shut and choked back a sob because damnit her heart was breaking all over again. She glanced down at the envelope and grabbed it from Arizona’s hand. “Is this really what you want?”

Arizona hesitated and she knew Callie caught it. The brunette knew how to read her like a book and Callie just shook her head, stuffing the envelope in her bag. 

“You might wake up a year from now and realize that this was a mistake,” Callie whispered, her brown eyes hard and honest, “I can’t promise you that I’ll be there when you want to come home to your family.” With that, she turned around and walked out of Joe's, the envelope clutched tightly in her hand.

Arizona watched as she Callie walked away once again. It seemed to be a common occurrence and something snapped in her. She squinted at the door that the brunette walked out of before she burst out of them and caught a glimpse of her ex up the street, walking towards the hospital employee parking lot. She knew she couldn't run but she had practice with speed walking, chasing down her four year old and all. 

"Hey, Callie!" She yelled and slowed her walking down when the tall woman whirled around to look at her. "You," Arizona caught her breath and licked her dry lips, "you don't get to just throw that last part in my face. I've tried to work things through with you. I've offered to go to marriage counselling and when you turned me down for that, I took your advice and met up with a therapist. Yes, I fucked it all up in the first place, I get that. We talked about that and I can't help it that you're not over it. You're not willing to forgive me. So this divorce I'm asking for? It's not for me. It's for you, it's for _us_. You don't want me but you don't want to let go either. You can't have it both ways!"

Callie stood there dumbfounded, blinking as the light drizzle turned into a light pour instead. "This divorce is for me?!" She finally shrieked.

"Yes!" Arizona yelled back, blue eyes blazing. "Maybe you're right, maybe a year from now I'll regret this but you not forgiving me and not giving yourself fully to helping this marriage work? You might regret that as well. I've listed and acknowledged my faults for the past year. I cheated on you, Callie. I did. It's something I cannot take back but I'm doing my best to make you realize and understand that I know a mistake was made. That I know this is my doing. But what are you doing to help me out here? Some acknowledgement in all those facts would be nice but you've barely blinked. So what the hell am I supposed to do?"

Callie stared at the blonde, both of them fuming over the same argument over and over again. "You're right." She stepped closer and raised her eyebrows. "I can't, I just... I've given you so much of myself after the plane crash. I've drained all of my energy into trying to make you feel better that I have no room left to forgive you for something I never saw coming," she took a deep breath, "so yeah, you're right. I'll have these signed for you by tomorrow."

"You're so fucking infuriating!" Arizona hissed before doing herself a favour and walking away before she would say something she'd regret. She didn’t know what emotion she was expecting to feel after handing over her ex divorce papers but feeling angry wasn’t one of them. She barely heard Callie call out to her as she crossed the parking lot and into the hospital. 

Callie stared at the blonde disappearing into the sliding doors and cursed under breath. She didn't see a divorce coming and to be honest, she figured she'd be the one filing for it if the thought had occurred to her. But it hadn't occurred to her because even though she was scared of opening up again and trusting Arizona, she wanted to believe there was some hope for them. 

As Arizona had mentioned after the whole Africa incident, not being able to forgive was one of her biggest flaws.

\-- 

"Dr Robbins!" Chief Hunt was on her heels as she walked past the lobby and towards the elevators. She blew some hair from her eyes, showing that she was somewhat frustrated. Her morning hadn't panned out exactly how she wanted it to go and she had to drop off a grumpy Sofia at pre-school so that wasn't fun. 

"What can I do for you, Chief?" She asked politely, her dimpled smile barely making it's way onto her face. 

The redheaded man hesitated for a brief moment before clearing his throat. "We would like to set up a board meeting this afternoon. I checked the surgical board and it seems you may be free around four?"

Arizona jutted her chin out and frowned a little. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, yes of course." Owen smiled and nodded. "It shouldn't take too long, is that okay?"

"Um, sure. I can probably run out to pick Sofia up from pre-school and bring her to daycare until the meeting is over." Arizona nodded and pressed the up button for the elevator. She noticed Owen was still standing there looking at her. She raised an eyebrow, "is there anything else?"

He backed away with a small laugh and shook his head. Clearly he had something big to announce but she guessed he just wanted to wait until the board meeting. "See you this afternoon, Dr. Robbins."

She waved at him before entering the lift and paused briefly when she saw Callie standing towards the back, reading a chart. She cleared her throat and pushed the number of the floor to her Peds ward. 

"Crap." Callie muttered when the lifted started going back up. She had been so immersed in her chart that she didn't realize the floor she was getting off at was the main one. Blinking, she swallowed when she saw who was accompanying her. 

"Big case?" Arizona asked, breaking the awkward silence, as she pointed to the chart in her ex's hand.

"Pretty big, yeah." Callie nodded and closed the file, looking at the numbers light up as they passed a couple of floors. 

"So Owen mentioned there was a board meeting this afternoon. Do you know what it would be about?" The blonde asked, trying to make the brunette look at her with no luck.

"Can't tell you." Callie shrugged before she sighed and reached around Arizona to press the main floor button again. She closed her eyes at the familiar scent of her wife - _ex wife_ \- before shaking her head and stepping back promptly.

"Callie." Arizona whispered. "Can we talk about what happened two weeks ago?"

"No." The other woman snapped. "We're getting divorced. There's nothing left to talk about."

"Can't we at least try to be friends? Civil even?" Arizona crossed her arms around her chest.

They do very well in front of Sofia for her sake and sometimes they find it a little too easy to forget that they're no longer together. With how they act in those few minutes when Sofia is being passed off, they're lost in that moment of family bliss. Reality usually comes crashing down around them when Sofia tugs on the hand of whichever mother she's spending time with.

Callie sighed and rubbed her tired face. She had been working on a case that took a lot of energy and research and all the time she didn't have taking care of Sofia, she spent in her lab. She was exhausted. "Maybe," she sighed sadly, her eyes finally meeting those blue hues that captured her every single time, "one day, maybe. Right now? I just need time to adjust, okay?" She asked softly.

Arizona searched those dark eyes and found sadness and honesty pool in them. She didn't want to push the other woman too hard so she just nodded. The elevator stopped at her floor and she gave Callie a dimpled smile. "See you later at the meeting." And Arizona was off.

Callie swallowed and closed her eyes, exhaling slowly. She wasn't so sure she'd make the meeting and if she did, if she'd leave it alive. She knew what it was about and if her and Arizona were still together, she'd be more than happy to give her a heads up about all the details but they weren't. So she decided that skipping the meeting might be wise and she'd deal with the aftermath later on.

\--

"So I was thinking maybe you and Em could come over this Friday night with Sofia and have dinner." Alex nudged his boss with a grin. "Jo's been stuck at work a lot and she wants to spend time with you three."

Arizona smiled softly and gave it some thought. "I think that can be arranged." She didn't miss the excited smile stretch across her student's face and raised a perky eyebrow. "Any underlying intentions for this dinner, Karev?"

"Yes." He said seriously before grabbing a chart. "But you won't find out until Friday night." He winked at her and turned to leave.

Arizona glanced at the clock and realized it was about time to go pick Sofia up from pre-school and then drop her off at daycare so she could attend the supposedly emergency board meeting. She finished filling out her chart before handing it off to the nurse and made her was to the locker room to change.

"Dr. Robbins?" Tori had caught her outside the Attending lounge after the blonde doctor changed.

Arizona spun around and greeted the scrub nurse with a friendly smile. "Hey, Tori."

"Have you seen Dr. Torres? Is she in there?" The light brunette asked, biting her thumbnail.

"No, she's not." Arizona frowned in concern. "I think she's in her lab working on her research. Have you checked there?"

"Did you seriously ask her for a divorce?" Tori asked bluntly, eyes wide in surprise.

Arizona tilted her head and shook her head. "I'm not sure how that is any of your business." She was a private person and rarely discussed her personal life while at work unless it were with a friend. Even then she was pretty reserved with details. 

"It is when I find my girlfriend crying over her ex wife every time we're together." Tori almost challenged her with arms crossed around her chest.

"Look, I'm in a hurry here and I don't have time for your jealous and petty games. Calliope and I haven't talked in weeks unless it's regarding Sofia so no, I haven't seen her. Good day, Tori." Arizona rolled her eyes as she walked away from the other woman and huffed.

The divorce was already in process but that didn't stop Arizona from thinking she made a mistake if it meant Callie was crying over it. 

Why did they have to be that couple that went through everything together yet receive no redemption?

Wanting to punch something, Arizona clenched her fists and forced herself to focus on picking up her daughter. She just hoped Sofia was in a better mood than earlier that morning.

"Hi Momma!" Sofia grinned as she ran into her momma's arms, giggling when kisses were plastered all over her face. 

"Hey Sofy, I missed you!" Arizona grinned and tucked Sofia's head underneath her chin for a few seconds. "How was school?"

"Good! I drawed you a picture and Mommy a picture for your fridge." The little girl stated proudly and went to dig into her bag to look for them. 

"How about you show me when we get to daycare, okay?" The blonde grinned and took her daughter's hand, steering them towards the car. 

"Are we going to go see Mommy?" Sofia asked excitedly. 

Arizona shrugged with a timid smile. "Maybe?" She buckled up her daughter in her booster seat before getting into the driver's side. "I have to go to a meeting but it shouldn't take very long, okay? You'll go play with Bailey and Zola until then."

"Okay." Sofia shrugged, not really caring as long as she got to play with someone.

Once they were in the hospital and Sofia was settled into daycare, Arizona made her way up to the board room. She was surprised to find everyone there already, minus Callie. Frowning, she took a seat and smiled at Meredith, who was smiling suspiciously at her.

"Glad you could make it, Dr. Robbins, let's get started now that everyone is here." Owen rubbed his hands together and paused when Arizona raised her hand. "Yes?"

"Um, shouldn't we wait for Dr. Torres?" The blonde glanced around the room and noticed everyone looked at each other warily. 

"Dr. Torres was called away so she's not able to join us." Jackson smiled with a nod and gave Owen the floor again.

"Well Dr. Robbins, you're the reason why this meeting was called." Owen gave her a wide grin and walked up beside her, extending his hand out. "I want to be the first to congratulate you on the success of the clinic in Malawi. Without you, that place never would have taken the positive turn that it has and it's taken a few years but they're so successful over there, the board was approached by other organizations to have it expanded."

Arizona's jaw went slack and she sat up straight, pride running through her veins. "That is amazing news, Hunt!"

"It is." He nodded with a chuckle and licked his lips, clearing his throat. "See the thing is, they want to open another clinic, a larger clinic. They know it can be successful if overseen by the right doctor and what better doctor than the one they're naming it after."

Arizona's quizzical eyes blinked as she made contact with Cristina, who was practically dancing in her seat. "Yang?" She said innocently because why else would the heart surgeon be as giddy as she was.

That earned a few snickers around the table but Jackson shook his head. "No Arizona, they're naming it after you."

"Me?" She squeaked and moved her mouth a few times but nothing came out.

"Like I said, you've made a great impression, however little time you spent over there. This is also reflecting on your work here and with a Carter Madison under your belt. They want you, Arizona. Everyone in this room had to agree on this matter because we'll not only be losing a priority board member but the best Peds surgeon in the country." Owen said seriously and gave her paper work to look at. She barely glanced at it but noticed the pay she'd be receiving while away if she took the job.

If she took a job in Africa. Away from her daughter, away from Callie and her friends.

“I don’t understand.” She frowned and played with the papers in her hand. "When was all of this decided?" She asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable under the scrutiny of her fellow peers.

Jackson was the first to speak and gave her a small smile. "We've been discussing this possibility for quite awhile now, Dr. Robbins. Of course not everyone was involved in this discussion because we weren't even sure when exactly the opportunity would be available but the window is open and it's all yours."

Arizona shook her head in disbelief, still trying to form some sort of sentence. "I don't think I can leave." She finally said, eyebrows furrowed.

"This is ultimately up to you." Owen spoke quietly and gave her an encouraging smile. "But the board needs to know your decision by next week. The clinic will be opening up with or without you but you're the one they want to run it."

"Wait," Arizona huffed and looked down at the papers in her hand. "You said everyone on the board had to agree to this. Callie?"

"She signed the contract this morning." Owen nodded with a look of sympathy for the blonde. 

"This is a huge deal, Arizona." Meredith pushed forward and clasped her hands in front of her. "They're name a freaking clinic after you in Africa. They hand chose you to run the whole thing and you'll be surrounded by cute little babies and kids all the time. It's not like you'll have to live there forever, you'll be back."

"Besides," Cristina butted in with a smile that lit up the whole room, "hopefully by next year, you'll have me joining you. They want to start up a cardiology department and I've been offered to go if it all goes well. We need you to get your ass over there though and make sure it picks up."

Arizona felt her head spinning and fought the urge to sit down in her chair. Something huge was just thrown at her and she didn't know how to deal with it in a short period of time. With one last glance at everyone in the board room, she backed up and stormed out of there. Practically ignoring Alex when she walked past the lobby and towards Callie's lab.

Without even knocking, she barged in the quiet room and found her ex wife going through notes quietly while Tori sat on a stool, eating a bag of chips. She ignored the girlfriend and slapped the documents that Owen had given her, down on top of Callie's research. "What the hell is this?"

Callie sighed heavily, tiredly, and leaned back in her chair, arms crossing over her chest. "It looks like the documents for that job in Africa you were offered today."

"Are you trying to be funny? This isn't funny or a game, Callie." Arizona hissed and pointed to the terms of her job offer.

"Am I laughing?" Callie raised an eyebrow. 

"So in the elevator earlier when I asked you about this meeting, you knew what it was for all along and didn't think to give me a heads up?" The blonde doctor was practically seething with anger and it was having some sort of effect on Callie that she was completely unaware of.

"It wasn't my place to say anything Arizona. I'm just one person of the board and I have no obligations to you anymore, with the exception of where Sofia is concerned." Callie leaned forward and rubbed her temples, her headache not lessening any. 

Arizona turned her head to face Tori and raised an eyebrow. "Could you excuse us?"

"I'll only go if Callie wants me to." Tori challenged and went back to eating her chips. 

"She doesn't have to go anywhere." Callie shook her head and stood up, her body towering over her ex wife. "I'm not going to argue with you about this." She moved around her desk and started to clean up scrap pieces of paper.

"Like hell you're not." Arizona clenched her teeth and narrowed her eyes. "Is this about the divorce? Is this pay back?"

Callie laughed bitterly and spun around, her gaze briefly landing on a wide eyed Tori before she glared at Arizona. "Believe it or not, this is not about us. This is about a dream that you had since you've started your career, Arizona."

"That dream came and went. Dreams change and mine had changed the moment I decided that I couldn't be without you the first time." The blonde stressed and rubbed her hand across her forehead. 

"Yeah well I won't be the reason you don't go through with it this time." Callie's voice softened as did her look towards the smaller woman. "Look, this is a huge deal. We are talking about a clinic being named after you, Arizona. We're talking about you running this program and getting to make a difference in children's lives in Africa, again! I'm not asking you to leave because of our failed marriage, this is so much more than that. You were born to change lives and this is the opportunity to do so." Her hands reached out on instinct and squeezed Arizona's shoulders. She rubbed her hands up down the blonde's arms affectionately. "The decision is ultimately up to you but please don't think for a second that I actually want to see you leave and be gone for five years."

Arizona whimpered softly at the torn feeling in her heart. Callie was right. She would've jumped at the chance to go back to Africa if it weren't for Sofia. Her heart was set on the Africa trip years prior but she didn't regret leaving to be with her then girlfriend. "I can't leave Sofia. I'll miss so much of her childhood and she'd never forgive me."

Tori cleared her throat and accomplished her task of breaking up the physical attention that her girlfriend had on Arizona. Callie stepped back a bit, arms dropping to her sides. 

"Sofia will still be here when you come back. You can call her as often as you need or want to. I'm not going to keep you from our daughter. She'd never forgive me if I did that. No matter what we're going through, you're a really great momma, Arizona and she adores you to pieces. She'll never be mad as long as you call or skype us." Callie hushed softly, her hand twitching to reach out again but she could feel the glare of her girlfriend in the corner. Realizing that maybe having Tori witness that particular conversation was probably a bad decision, she turned to face the brunette. "Could you give us a few minutes?"

Tori paused before closing up her chip bag and grabbing her coffee cup, brushing past the other two. When the door shut behind the nurse, Arizona shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. "Bursting in here probably made things bad for you two, I'm sorry."

"No you're not." Callie snorted, breaking some tension from the air. She gave the blonde a warm smile and ducked her head to meet teary blue eyes. "I know you, okay? I know your huge heart wants to go through with this Africa trip and that's more than fine. You deserve this for all the hard work you put into the Peds department and into your tiny human patients. Go and be a rockstar in a country that needs more doctors like you." She threw caution to the wind and pulled Arizona into a hug, her hands clutching at the sweater the blonde was wearing. She sighed when a face pressed into her neck, a familiar warmth feeling coursing through her while Arizona held her tight. 

"If I decide to go, you promise you won't hold it against me?" Arizona whispered against the soft skin of her ex wife's neck. "Do you promise that you're not pushing me away because of the divorce? Because I couldn't handle that, Calliope. I'll always need you and I can't lose you, I can't lose any more of you than I already have."

Callie swallowed hard and couldn't control the few stray tears that escaped her. The desperate plea in Arizona's voice broke her heart. Even though her main flaw was to be unforgiving, she had to admit she was no longer mad at the blonde. She couldn't deny that she was still in love either but there was so much damage between them, it was hard to figure out how to untangle all the webs they've both caused. "I promise." She whispered and placed a delicate kiss on the blonde's temple.

\--


End file.
